September 13, 2017

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Latest News, Michigan

“Schuette-Wan Kenobi’s” Real Record More Dark Side Than Jedi

There’s a new disturbance in the Force out in Michigan.

In a bizarre gubernatorial campaign kickoff, Attorney General Bill Schuette claimed to be Michigan’s Obi-Wan Kenobi.

“2018 won’t be easy,” an animated Schuette told reporters after his announcement. “You better have your strongest Jedi knight. I’m like Obi-Wan Kenobi. I’m our only hope.”

Schuette’s record – however – reads far more like a Sith Lord’s than a Jedi Knight. A member of the Jedi Order, he is not.

“Let’s just say we’d like to avoid any Imperial entanglements.”

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Went into exile from the Galactic Empire on Tatooine, teaching Luke Skywalker the ways of the Force.

Bill Schuette: Signed off on Governor Rick Snyder’s administration’s order switching Flint to a contaminated water supply, then stood idly by as the crisis spiraled out of control.

“You must do what you think is right, of course.”

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Sacrificed his own life to allow his compatriots to safely escape the Death Star.

Bill Schuette: Let the abuse of veterans be swept under the rug, while refusing to investigate deteriorating conditions at a veterans home. When veterans complained of the conditions, Schuette said they were “free to leave.”

These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Used Jedi mind trick to save C3PO and R2D2.

Schuette: Wasted taxpayer dollars in pursuit of political advancement, turning the Office of the Attorney General “into a lobby for partisan causes.”

“Schuette-Wan Kenobi would need to pull off a Jedi mind trick to change his record of standing up for special interests over Michigan families,” said DGA Communications Director Jared Leopold. “He may try to style himself as a new hope, but Michigan families and veterans know Bill Schuette is no Jedi Master. For Michiganders, this is not the candidate you are looking for.”

For more about Schuette’s record of putting special interests and political insiders ahead of the people of Michigan, please visit SchuettesOffDuty.com.

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